Anxiety and depression

With the coronavirus going around and my 10 year struggle with both of what is above. It is difficult to work in retail and keep telling myself that everything is going to be okay no matter what is going on. Anxiety is going berserk and depression is somehow keeping me going. I’ve never self harmed but I have wanted to commit 4 times. I’m just assuming this is the death wish talking with the virus going around but how do I keep my anxiety calm? I mean it wont calm down my pulse wont go below 90 and it feels like an elephant is sitting on my cheat 24/7 and I have no control over any of it. I have 1 friend but he thinks he is blocking me from living my life when he is all I have only because of our age difference. I allegedly have a boyfriend but haven’t seen him in almost 2 years and I miss him. People my age hate me but dont understand what is truly going on and when you tell a guy you have anxiety they run in the opposite direction as fast as possible and it hurts. My mom is a psychopath it seems like. I’m 20 years old. Live with my only friend and my mom treats me like I’m 5 even though I own this place. Help please anything helps.